Frustration

I know that there are a million frustrations that people deal with daily. Frustration with work, money, friends, family, life. This all seems so real to me in this point in my life. It seems like everyday I wake up frustrated about something, then again nothing. I think that frustrations with life are unending. They are not good or bad, they just are. If life were meant to be perfect one day to the next what else would we need? Life just isn't that way. I feel frustration to the point of change. My mind must change, my heart must change, something needs to change. That's why to me, its a point in time when I know things must come to an end, and other things must begin. I embrace this time of frustration because I know that it will motivate to better the world around me.

At this point I am frustrated in my time and place. I am frustrated about school (moreso, because I want to be done!), I am frustrated about work (moreso, because I want resolution), and I am frustrated about the things that bring my mind and heart away from Jesus. Although I do think that frustration enables change, it is not always about me. Its not always about my frustrations, or the entitlement that I may think they bring. No, frustration will not change my purpose or my journey. It will not force me to quit, it will not kill me, and it will not bring me to a place of bitterness. I pray that this time only makes me trust and love the Lord more. I pray and hope that through life's little frustrations I will find joy. I pray the same for you as well.

Transition: You know you're an adult when...

You know you're an adult when you start to complain about how many bills you have to pay.
You know you're an adult when taking out the trash is no longer a chore, but a responsibility.
You know you're an adult when you would rather purchase home decor, rather than clothes and meaningless nick-nacks.
You know you're an adult when the excuse of "I'm just a kid, what do you want from me?" doesn't get you anywhere.
You know you're an adult when you shop around for credit cards and look for the best interest rates.
You know you're an adult when your parents tell you, you make them feel old.

And...finally...you know you're an adult when your scared to death of growing up, and wake up one morning and realize you are.

In the Presence of Community

As I sit here at my favorite local coffee shop, Mighty Joe's, I am moved by how much I am surrounded by such a diversity of people. People who are retired and come to reflect, relax, or meet up with their friends. People on their laptops making appointments, reading emials, organizing their life. People, such as me, studying and eating a sandwich. So far I have spent $10.00 here. $10.00! I know, its a little outrageous for a coffee shop. But sitting here for 3 hours, I can't seem to move. I feel like I belong here. Everyone searches for a place to belong don't they? There is no price on that. Everyone here knows each other, they chat, they ask how each other's doing. I feel open and able to communicate and look people in their eyes. I think Jesus would be proud. And none the less happy here. I could see Him here, sipping a latte, talking to people about their lives, their decisions, their woes. How is that any different than the church? Why do people spend so much time trying to make church different? Do we really need to? Or can we just come together, take a moment off of our daily path, and be who we are. Humans. Humans with a higher purpose through Christ. I think He would talk to the retirees, the business person, the student and be able to transcend all paths. I think we all have more in common than we think, don't we?

Don't we just need somewhere we belong?

Anticipation

Its not hard to tell after being with me for five minutes that I am not a very patient person. Oh how I wish I was. I realize though that with all of the transitions in life I am itching to go to the next. It is hard for me to focus on the present, oh how I wish I could.

So many changes have occurred in my friends' lives its hard not to want the same. Graduation, marriage, babies, all of the above. At times I ask myself why I have always been "the late bloomer", so to speak. I have never been the first of anything in my circle of friends. But I know for me, God is teaching me something very valuable. There is worth in waiting. I hate to say it, but its true. There is value in not being first.

Although I look around wanting so badly for it to be my time for all these changes to occur I have to know that there is a best time for everything. My clock always runs a little on the fast side. It always has, but yet I still wait. Am I ever going to be content where I am? Am I ever going to want to stop these feet from running forward?

I know eventually faith has to come before "first". There has to be an element of trust so deep that I can look to God knowing that what He has is better. His timing is better, His plan is better.

I know this in my head, not so much in my heart. My heart just pounds in anticipation.

Convenience

Hey America! Are we really at the point that we have to have instant coffee that taste nothing like I could have hoped? Eh, although its convenient, is it really worth jeopardizing the taste of your morning cup of Joe? I am disappointed. I thought you knew better. Starbucks Via, not my cup of tea, or coffee. Gross!

Progress

What is progress? What is it's meaning? To different people it may mean different things. To some it is a step and to others it is a giant leap. To me, it's whatever that has you moving. Whatever has you pushing, or changing, or living. Whatever has you sweating, crying, or screaming. Whatever has you challenged, or whatever has you measured against your formal self. That is progress.

In my life I have seen the progress. I have seen what the changes have done to me and to others. No longer am I bound to the judgmental, negative thoughts and feelings that surround my mind and my heart. I have been searching and praying so hard to be changed from the inside out. I truly have a desire to love people, to love them as they are, and not try to change them. I truly want to be humble and not allow myself to have so much pride that I look down on others. I truly would rather give up being "right" for righteousness. I can just see the impact it has to love others. To think of them as people, just like me, people who learn and grow just like me. I have prayed for patience and it has truly been tested. I have prayed for my ears to be quick to listen and my mouth be slow to move.

Though this is my prayer as well as my profession, I know that those around me that love me can hold me accountable. Accountable to my words and my actions. I have learned that the changes that you so desire have to take place first within yourself before you are able to change the things around you. My first step is to stop criticizing myself before I can not criticize others. My first step is to love God before I can love others. My first step is to be patient with myself before I can with others. In no way I am going to hide my imperfections from others. This all may seem like "duh" to some, but for me it is a slow moving, "aha moment". Its these things in life that grow you and shape you. This is my step in the right direction. This is my progress.

Graduation

It’s true that for some graduates it is their opportunity to venture out into the world and blah blah. It’s their time to start their career, move up, start out, begin their embark on their future. For me, it’s somewhat like that. Although I have very few options out there, I don’t believe in the doom and gloom of the job market. Maybe some people are just to prideful to take some jobs. Maybe they feel like they’ve paid their dues, they have a degree and if the right job doesn’t come along I am not taking it. I, on the other hand, do not feel that way.

It maybe strange, but I am willing to do whatever is out there- whatever dirty, unglamorous, far from my expertise kind of job. I am not worried, unlike some people. I am not fearful unlike some people; in fact I am pretty positive about the outcome of graduation. I know that there is a reason for this “economic crisis”. There are people that have relied on money for too long, people who need a reminder about what’s important, or maybe it’s just a struggle like the rest of them; a chance for people to get stronger, live smarter, let go of the fear of insecurity. Maybe it’s a wakeup call for America, a wakeup call for the world. I know that at some point there’s an end to any great era. The roaring 20’s had an end, the depression had an end, and the self-centered, corporate era of the 80’s had an end.

I choose not to believe that when I get out of school there will be no jobs, no way to pay off my loans, no opportunity to start at the bottom. Even the bottom is better than nothing, right? At my job right now I have plenty of opportunity for growth. It challenges me, it makes me think, and it makes me want to be a better worker, a better leader, a better person. The job I have now isn’t glamorous or full of glory. It’s a team effort and it helps people realize that we need each other. People need that in their life. I think if more jobs were a team effort, as they should be, that we would have less stress, less pressure, and less worry about our job security. Why do we think the only way is our way? Why do we choose to believe that as long as we do our job, who cares about everyone else? The individualism of America is what’s killing us. It’s what’s driving us to feel so little compassion for our neighbors and our co-workers. No, my graduation is much different. It’s the ending of my ambitions and the beginning of entering into a community with the rest of the world.

I want to serve others, maybe even change one mind. If that’s all I do then maybe all 5 and ½ years of college paid off, even if my college loans aren’t.